lol nope

i think everything’s okay and we’ll be fine being just friends until i remember that i’ll never have the excitement of catching the train after work and getting to the station earlier than i need to and checking the time table every 2 minutes and running through st pancras and getting on the wrong part of the fast train every time and hearing ‘welcome aboard the south eastern rail service to margate’ and my heart fluttering when i get to canterbury west and practically jumping on him when i see him waiting there for me and kissing him for the first time in a month and holding hands down canterbury high street in the cold and waiting for the uni bus that never comes and half falling asleep on him on the journey and flopping down on his bed as soon as we get to his room and taking the piss out of him for his coca cola addiction and going to woodys with his friends and drinking snakebites and sitting outside even though its practically -100 degrees and going back to his room and sitting up til about 4 in the morning playing slenderman and watching youtube videos and finally falling asleep cuddled up next to him and waking up with him still holding me and skipping his first lecture so we could stay in bed and then watching the office in his room for 4 hours whilst he’s at other lectures and cuddling in the middle of his room when he gets back and kissing whenever we wanted to and having romantic meals at burger king and subway and sitting under a tree in the dark in canterbury high street watching drunk crazy people and going in and out of h&m a million times and going into a quiet little pub and having a cider then walking to the train station and not wanting to let go of him but i know i have to and kissing him goodbye and getting on the train and feeling my heart break a bit as a pull away and then falling asleep texting him and wishing i told him i loved him and i just don’t think i can deal with this

i’d never been in love before him

it just hurts so much